April showers bring more weeds than flowers
July 4, 2008 · Updated 1:34 PM
When I drive around residential areas of Bremerton and see weedless flowerbeds with pretty flowers blooming in all of springs glory, I get irate. The more brilliant the colors, the more angry I get. All those gardens do is remind me that I cant get control of my own yard.
Every spring, no matter where I live, I battle the forces of evil for control over my yard. Last year, the battle wasnt hard because I lived in Jackson Park and it was professionally landscaped.
This year, we have our own abode and all I have are weeds, weeds, as far as the eye can see. I have hearty green, sprouty weeds. I have thick, healthy dandelions. I have gorgeous buttercups.
I dont want any of them.
I want pretty tulips. I want roses. I want, I want, I want.
In the course of the last three weeks, Ive put so many chemicals on my front yard it will likely end up in a 12-step program. The weeds wilted for a few hours just long enough for me to gloat at them then recovered. That which did not kill them just made them stronger.
I guess that saying is right.
Ive plucked weeds out of my flowerbeds for hours. One Saturday I was out in my front yard for three hours doing nothing but pulling weeds. I enlisted my 3-year-olds help by telling him if he helped me pull weeds I would give him chocolate pudding, as I am never above bribery.
He pulled two weeds, announced he was finished pulling weeds and rode his bike on the driveway while I did all the work.
Once I was finished, he reminded me that one weed and one weed makes two weeds, so he had fulfilled his duty enough to earn pudding.
I may as well have played with the kid instead of pulling weeds because before I could pull the top off his Snack Pack, the weeds already had grown back.
After the weed-pulling incident, I was desperate for help. I was even more desperate for a shortcut. So, like other desperate homeowners, I took a trip to the Lowes garden section. I described the weeds in my yard, then told the lady with the blue apron I was determined to kill them.
I want them dead ... gone ... annihilated.
The lady in the blue apron told me exactly what I didnt want to hear. You have to pull them out first, she said.
Im still seeking a second opinion.
Adding insult to injury, on my way out the door, I saw a lady with two shopping carts full of potted flowers ready to be planted into the ground. Her flowers were likely be nine feet tall by the time I conquer my weed infestation.
I figure by the end of the summer, I will have either won the battle or lowered my standards. I hear the uncontrolled jungle look is all the rage this year. Or at least it is in my yard.
For now, Ill just keep pulling away.